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*A TRUE LIFE STORY : FROM MABEL HENRY WALL.*
*HOW MY MOTHER CONTRIBUTED TO BEING THE ARCHITECT OF MY MISFORTUNES : BECAUSE OF THE LOVE OF MONEY* 💰
I'm 29years old, I'll be 3 this month but I know that I will spend the rest of my life in regrets knowing fully that I'm the architect of my misfortunes.
When I was 23,I started dating this young man (let's call him Joel) that worked in Jos south local Government somewhere in plateau state, he didn't have much but I never lacked. When we met I had just finished learning hairdressing while I still wanted for admission from PLASU(PLATEAU STATE UNIVERSITY) .He suggested that since the admission was taking so long, I should focus on my skills. He was willing to help but like I said he didn't have much . I couldn't ask my mum because she was the breadwinner. My dad was bedridden from a motorcycle accident. I focused on home service and braiding my neighbors.
One Friday morning (I would never forget that day) Joel called and asked me to get dressed and meet him at sparkling junction, he refused to tell me where we were going to. We got to terminus a very popular market in the City of Jos. And he took me to a shop that sold saloon items, my God!! I was dumbfounded. He collected a loan from his corporative to help finance my dreams. I can't remember how much he spent there, but he spent everything including our transport fare of going back home. My parents were so grateful, I watched my Dad Shed tears that day out of gratitude. A week later he brought a small container (that one that can be used for business).
He kept it in front of my house, he said he didn't want me worrying about rent. That night I knew in my heart that I would marry this man.
While my saloon business thrived, I saw how he struggled because the bulk of his salary was used to repay the loan he took. I made it a duty to make sure food was available to him every evening after work. Amidst servicing his loan, he bought me hand dryer and stretcher After one year, he was done with the loan so things were back to normal for him, that's when he started talking about marriage, I had no reservations but we had to tell my parents. They were happy but my dad said he needed me to go to school before marriage, hoel pleaded and said he hold off on any marriage plans till I secure admission but we decided to start buying household items gradually instead of waiting till it was time for the wedding. He refused to allow me use my money for anything except buying kitchen appliances even though he insisted on paying for the expensive items. I can't remember having a formal engagement but I had a ring and both families knew each other. On the first day of April that year, I made the biggest mistake of my life.
PART 2.
I didn't plan to stray from our plans. One day I was making a customer hair, we spoke briefly and he left because he was in a hurry. After he had gone, my customer callouslyade a comment about his faded jeans, I didn't say anything to her may be because at that moment I didn't want her to know he was my man. After that day, I started paying attention to the way he dressed. He would wear corporate wears with palm slippers, he also didn't spend much on his clothing and I started feeling embarrassed any time he came around. I confided in my friend and she was honest with me. She made me realize that his dress sense was the easiest thing for me to change. She reminded me of everything he had done for me. There and then, I decided that I would work on making him pay more attention to how he dressed. Another problem I had with was his simplicity, his friends always took advantage of him and I was tired of complaining. I had not changed my mind about marrying him but I stated feeling like I needed more time to be single, it wasn't as it I had another man in my life but I just needed more time before marriage tied me down. When I explained to Joel, he didn't like it but he understood (thinking about it now, only a person who truly loved you will understand that?), Things were still going on well for us.
On the 1st of April, I answered a chart on Facebook (to this day I wish I hadn't), he was based in Lagos and he was into real estate. Our conversations were so interesting and I even used to tell Joel about it. On my birthday, he sent me an expensive 0hone so I could use it to boost my business. That was the first time I had to lie to Joel, I told him I used my savings, he just queried why we didn't discuss it like we used to do every time, and he let it go. My Facebook friend told me he wanted to come to Jos for wedding and he wanted us to meet, I couldn't wait(my friend warned me about some mangu guys in Lagos)but I didn't listen. When he came I met him at an eatery, he dropped me at home afterwards and wanted to meet my parents that same day but I stopped him. After he went back to his base, he became serious and persistent. I was enjoying the attention and the chase, Joel had started irritating me with his persistence. I didn't know how to tell him that I was no longer interested.
I didn't tell my mum but she noticed that I was no longer interested in my relationship as I used to be. My Facebook friend (let's call him Titus)invited me to Lagos, he wanted me to know his place and also shop for some items for my shop. Joel had noticed the cold attitude but I kept telling him that there was no problem. His elder sister had a child dedication one Sunday and I was supposed to attend but I woke up that day feeling like I needed to put an end to my relationship with Joel, so I didn't go. He was so upset and disappointed, when he insisted on knowing why I didn't go, I blurted out that I needed a space. To this day I don't know what he was thinking because he was in my house the next day to see my dad. He wanted to know when would be convenient for him to come for introduction with his people. My dad told him that he would discuss with his own family members and get back to him, when he was leaving he didn't say a word to me and I honestly didn't care because I was going to tell my dad not to invite anyone for anything, I wasn't getting married anymore atleast not to him. Joel. Titus called to tell me he is coming to see his mum. I couldn't wait to see him, he decided to lodge in a hotel close to my house so we could spend time together. I told my parents that I needed to travel to Bokkos concerning my admission, I spent two days with Titus and I knew for sure that he would make a better husband than Joel. He insisted that I followed him to the village to meet his family, which I did Before he went back he had given me a ring, changed my phon,gave me money for my mum and also money to buy foodstuffs, I was so happy . When I went to buy foodstuffs, I remembered that Joel had never bought any for the house in all our years of being together, this further made me realize that I would made a mistake marrying him. When I took the foodstuffs home and gave my mum the money she wanted to know where they came from, I wanted to lie but since I was wearing his ring, it meant that it was time for the truth. I didn't expect my mum to react the way she did, she told me that her initial fear was that I would end up with a poor man, she told me that Joel was a good man but it won't be easy for him to take care of the family especially when we started having kids with his salary (that was the final confirmation I needed), she was really happy that a better option had come, the problem was how to tell my dad. My mom told me to allow her tell him, that evening , my dad called me to hear my side of the story, after I spoke, he told me that there was nothing wrong with changing my mind but I needed to make sure I get Joel forgiveness for the heartbreak and shame I had brought to his life. Parting ways with Joel wasn't easy, he cried and begged but my heart wasn't in it. Titus had told me to return everything Joel bought for me but Joel didn't want it. Days after the break up, I don't know what changed his mind but he came back and told me to return everything in the saloon to him, I understood but my mom insulted him mercilessly that day. My dad told me to return it because he had every right to ask for them. His elder sister asked me what the problem was, I told her there was no problem, I just didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. My admission to PLASU came through during that time, I found out that his elder sister had reached out to her husband's friend and helped with the admission and he promised to send me some money to start my registration with. That same week , I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. Titus was over the moon and my mom insisted that we hasren the marriage plans before I started showing so that people will not talk. I didn't care, I was getting married to my love, what could possibly go wrong. To this day a part of me blames my mother, maybe if she hadn't been so supportive, I would have thought hard ( I'm not sure though, no one would have been able to stop me),but like I said I was the cause of my problems.
We had started planning the wedding, two days to my introduction my dad asked me about Joel's ring, I told him it was in the room, he said I should make sure I return it before this new inlaws come on Saturday. Joel refused to collect it, so my dad called him, I don't know what he told him but he sobbed like a child and collected the ring, his presence started irritating my mum and she couldn't hide it. Honestly his tears means nothing to me, that evening my dad told me 'i know you don't want to marry Joel but know that he loves you more than life itseld', God!!! I wish I listened. My introduction came and passed, my dad said he was tired and asked his elder brother to stand in for him, thinking about it now, I think he didn't want to be a part of it.
Since I was pregnant, getting married in COCIN Wasn't an option for me, we decided to get a pastor to join us in matrimony at the venue of the reception. When Titus came to pay my bride price, my Dad asked his mother to collect it, I found out later that he refused a dime from inside. He wouldn't come for the wedding, even when I suggested a wheelchair, he asked me not to bother, he asked that I kneel and he prayed for me. In the excitement of planning the wedding and early symptoms of pregnancy, my husband suggested that we forfeit my admission and school in Lagos instead, I agreed immediately.
After the wedding, he went back alone to "look for a more befitting accomodation",so I waited. Four months after wedding I was still in my father's house, it was from one excuse to another, what frustrated me the most apart from people's gossip was how Joel kept explaining to anyone that would listen how ungrateful I was"after everything he did for me". My mum had to get his number and warn him seriously. People were even speculating that maybe the pregnancy was Joel's instead of my husband's I was tired, stressed out, I think that's what caused me to go into labor at 7months.My child was born premature but he survived. After he was strong enough to travel, my husband sent for us and so my journey to Lagos began. We had initially agreed that my mum would come with me and stay a while since my dad's younger sister was available to take care of him. But at the last minute my husband changed his mind, insisting that he didn't want anyone in our home since our marriage wasn't even up to a year. The day I left, I cried like a baby, but I should have saved those tears because the next year of my life had me sobbing like person mourning.
TO BE CONTINUE